Tour de Turtle Stage 1: The Coastal Flats

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Every morning for the last week I've gotten out of bed in the cold and dark to watch the daily highlights of the Tour de France.  I am coming to the slow realisation that I may not be the super-dooper uber-cyclist that I always thought I was.  It's possible that those pretty boys in France could ride circles around me both up and down a very slight incline, let alone the Alps or the Pyrenees.

I blame this sorry state of affairs on a lifetime chocolate habit, a reprehensible lack of multi-million dollar sponsors, and the fact that almost all of those pretty boys are younger than my own children which suggests that I, alas, am getting long in the tooth.

Inspired by the pretty boys, Roger and I got back on our bikes and started our own multi-day bicycle extravaganza to rival the shenanigans over in France.  There may be only two of us but competition for the yellow, polka-dot, and green jerseys was fierce: thank goodness for the recurrent neutral zones occurring with every Necessary Cup Of Tea.

I won't ask you to get out of bed in the cold and dark to watch the highlights of Tour de Turtle: over the next couple of days you can peruse them at your leisure whilst you loll in a comfortable chair in your pyjamas.

Stage 1: O'Sullivan's Beach to Moana and Return

This beginning stage was mostly flat with a few sharp headland hills up which geriatrics on electric bikes zoomed with demoralising ease. Unfazed by the stiff headwind, the peleton set out at a solid pace but were easily distracted by the stunning coastline and the opportunities for epic bicycle poses.


Witton Bluff threw obstacles in their way in the shape of ginormous boulders and the untimely cessation of the bicycle path.  A mere 100m of rocks and sea stood between them and the Port Noarlunga jetty, but try as they might they could not pass.

 

A slow-motion footrace ensued, up the hill and over the bluff.  Roger took King of the Mountain, spurred on no doubt by the availability of public toilets at the bottom of the hill.  A neutral zone was momentarily declared for the purposes of nature breaks and jetty poses.



The race heated up as the peleton crossed the Onkaparinga River and climbed the cliffs to a stunning view of the river mouth.  The pair went crazy taking photographs before facing the final downhill push into Moana.


Moana displayed a dismal lack of preparation for the renowned race, with nary an eating place that met the riders' exacting expectations for lunch: they cancelled the lunchtime neutral zone and high tailed back to Noarlunga.  Race speed picked up with a brisk tailwind and in no time at all they were gobbling good grub at Beck's Bakery.

The pace fell over the final straight as both riders worked on digestion as well as pedaling.  Roger took the stage win and overall King of the Mountain, Catherine having been distracted by a bird and the photographic opportunities of the uphill finish.

Hilltop finish: King of the Mountain is within his grasp...

It wasn't all rest and recuperation when the riders got home: they had to pay homage to the Cat Master with treats, dinner, and a suitable amount of socialisation.

It's a demanding life being a super-dooper uber cyclist.



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