The Tragic Tale of Destructo The Racing Cockroach

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Back in 1967 nothing much happened in Eulo, and the denizens of Eulo thought that this ought to change so they put their head together and came up with a plan to put Eulo on the map.  Thus was born the World Lizard Racing championships which continue to this day as part of the Cunnamulla-Eulo Festival of Opals which obviously has nothing to do with lizards but that doesn't really matter.  Up to 5000 people have been known to attend Eulo for this event, which is a pretty big deal for a town where the population is flat out reaching 100 and that's only when everyone's grandma comes to visit.

See?  I'm not joking.

 A large, slightly dilapidated lizard of questionable species overlooks the race track and guards a memorial to Destructo, the greatest lizard to ever race at the Eulo track.  Except he was a cockroach, not a lizard, and I cannot find an answer to the burning question of why a cockroach was racing in a lizard race in the first place but nevertheless it is a tale of triumph and tragedy which must be told.

Not a cockroach.

 Destructo was flown all the way from Sydney by the members of the Sydney Cockroach Club for a special race against Woodenhead, the lizard who won the 1980 championship and set a world record with a blistering dash of 1.8 seconds.  A huge crowd watched the match with breathless anticipation and, I suspect, the odd wager here and there helped along by a spot of alcoholic lubrication. Woodenhead, slightly handicapped by a lesser number of legs and a certain matter of cold-bloodedness, lost his crown to Destructo in a matter of less than 1.8 seconds.  The crowd went wild.  The Sydney Cockroach Club leapt to their feet, danced around in excitement, and inadvertently crushed their reigning champion under their big clodhopper boots.

Thus ended, in a blaze of glory, killed by those who owed to him their fame and fortune, the career of Destructo the racing cockroach.

Destructo was mourned mightily, his death casting a heavy pall of gloom over the Sydney Cockroach Club who returned the next year to install a memorial in his honour.


 Thus it is that when you pass through Eulo and see the sagging fibreglass lizard atop a rickety tower, stop for a minute to stand beside the memorial to Destructo, the greatest racing cockroach who ever ran against a lizard and won, only to have his dreams (and the rest of him) crushed in his greatest moment of glory.

Destructo, RIP.


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